Anti-advice / Gotta stop sobbing / identity / politics

A SAHMurai “morning after” progressive Brainstorm Session!


Me, still, at 4:45 p.m., on this 11/9.

It’s not that I hate Michael Moore. I don’t hate Michael Moore!!! If you need me, I’m almost always hanging out on the side of some self-righteous, ultra-liberal nerd. Plus, it’s sweet how he and Megyn Kelly get along.

But at this moment, I am exceedingly irritated with Michael Moore, and also with America for proving Michael Moore right. Because while I was curled up in a ball crying at the dawn’s early light, he was fully upright, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, already posting Facebook told-ya-so instructions on what to do next!

I don’t think we should let him lead our morning-after meeting, fellow progressives! (And yes, I know it’s already early evening. This has been a really hard day to get the hang of.) He might be right, but he is way too self-satisfied and over-prepared for me right now.

I see you all, dear Facebook friends, frantically asking yourselves, asking each other: what do we do now? Well, we’re democratic, egalitarian types, right? We need a good, old-fashioned Brainstorm Session is what we need! Now, remember: there are no stupid ideas in a Brainstorm Session. Especially the desperate kind.

I’ll start! Here are the first 15 rapid-fire thoughts that storm into my brain, unedited*:

  1. Find sand. Insert head. Begin to asphyxiate.
  2. Finally get into punk rock! As a Facebook friend predicted last night, it’s bound to have a renaissance over the next four to eight years. You’re never too old!!!
  3. Call up Susan Sarandon. Get directions to that revo-damn-lution.
  4. Blow up yer TV!
  5. Throw away yer paper!
  6. Eat yer phone and let it, and all the Facebook friends you now have to unfriend slowly corrode in that gurgling pit of bile blistering unpleasantly in yer belly!
  7. Ok, if you’re referencing John Prine, you’re too old to get into punk rock.
  8. Damnit I got nothing here.
  9. No! That is THE WRONG ATTITUDE!!!
  10. Pull head out of sand, cough frantically.
  11. Keep sense of humor.
  12. Keep sense of compassion.
  13. Keep your voice.
  14. Unite it to others, and to action.
  15. Never stop wondering, and figuring out, what the hell you even mean by that.

Take heart, be brave. This is really our nation. It really is. We need to take a good, long, hard look at it. And then start acting like we have a much bigger problem than we originally thought.

Even if Smuggy McSmugcap Michael Moore told us so.


*Just kidding! This was really hard, and took me at least an hour and a half.


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