Anti-advice / Go play! / Listicles

15 things faster than which my daughter must swing

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One must needs push my daughter fast on the swings. I mean fast. Like faster than you’ve ever pushed a swing before ever. Give it the ol’ boom! POW! Swoooosh! — but be gentle! Don’t knock her off! … Yeah, OK, but faster even!

Don’t worry, it’s a precise art, and therefore hard to get the hang of right away. So, if you’re ever tasked with pushing my daughter’s swing, here’s a helpful velocity guide I’ve compiled based on her carefully shouted instructions. …So she doesn’t have to explain it all AGAIN.

15 Things faster than which my daughter must swing:

  1. The wind blows
  2. The rain rains
  3. A very-fast bunny jumps
  4. FIRE BURNS!
  5. Bubbles pop!
  6. That round spinny thing over there. See that? Faster than that!
  7. A falling flower petal falls
  8. Lightening BOOMS!
  9. Stars shoot
  10. That bird flies
  11. That AIRPLANE flies!
  12. A FLYING MAGICAL CARPET FLIES!
  13. ELSA’S MAGICAL SNOW MONSTER WALKS!
  14. EVERYTHING MAGICAL!
  15. A belly-sliding penguin
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Got it?

 

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