Screentime!

Trrricky, TRICKY PEOPLE!

As you may know, I hit the big time earlier this week with my Scary Mommy debut post about how much I heart strangers, which means that an unprecedented number of strangers just read something from my blog, and some of them even had things to say. (Mostly on Scary Mommy’s Facebook page.)

Firstly: the vast majority of these commenting strangers were friendly and none were assholes, which is a huge relief, since that was the whole premise of my article.

Secondly:

yello dyno

“Can’t fool me”

The highlight of all feedback, and the central point of this entire post, was one momma’s casual reference to Yello Dyno. Yello Dyno, for those of us who didn’t catch him the first time around (1994?), is a jive-talking, yellow dinosaur/ 7-foot-tall Woodstock-from-Peanuts look-alike with cool shades.

His utterly surreal 40-minute PSA from the mid-90s focused on teaching (white) kids how to avoid the violent, pedophiliac, I’ve-got-some-puppies-in-my-car child predator. But Yello Dyno is too cool for that “stranger danger” noise. He discerns between ordinary, neutral-to-helpful strangers and…

trrrrRICKY PEOPLE!

While I appreciate Yello Dyno’s more nuanced intentions as pertains children’s safety awareness, I am too dazzled by its extravagantly melodramatic screwball weirdness for words.

Not only that, but also: This little cheese-gem was apparently unearthed, unbeknownst to me, by my fellow Bobcats of Ohio University! In 2000, while I was lamely studying or something, some enterprising OU students founded a project devoted to collecting VHS tapes from the late 20th century and uploading them to the internet. Their efforts have evolved into a video blogging site called Everything is Terrible. Yello Dyno remains one of their most notorious finds.

 

 

You don’t have to watch the entire 40 minutes to appreciate its magic. The above clip distills it nicely. Except for how it inexplicably leaves out the part where Yello Dyno shouts at Reginald Charming:

“If you’re an upstanding citizen, then I’m Ethel Merman!”

That, of course, made me a tad nostaligic for jaunty Cole Porter show tunes, so I thought: Say! Why not complete this bizarro Youtube session with a duet between the real Ethel Merman and a bona fide upstanding citizen?

 

 

…WHICH led me to a less staggering, but still delightful discovery, and that is this:

quest-every-beard-type-jon-dyer

Bottom right-hand corner!

Bing Crosby one time grew a shaggy wild-man beard that, over the course of this “You’re the Top” sketch, morphed into a couple of the shaggiest mutton chops ever to accompany a suit and tie!

This look may be referred to in some circles as a “hulilee.”

After you’ve marveled at the Bing’s bristles, I recommend re-watching it to more fully appreciate the spunky adorableness of Ethel Merman.

And that all I’ve got for today’s Show-and-Tell. Enjoy!

 

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